Please, don't leave
by shotted
Summary: KakaIru angst Every night, I gave you what you asked for without question.
1. And every night, I give in

YO!  
It's me, after a long hiatus, that is. I've completely left the realm of LotR fandom for now, or well, I am soon going to reread Silmarillion and the Unfinished Tales but ah well. So here we have a little ficcie of Kakashi and Iruka. Oh yes.  
I have no beta. Interested? Review and state your interest.  
Constructive criticism very much liked and appreciated.

_- shotted _

---------------------------

Every night, you came to me.

Every night, I gave you what you asked for without question.

You'll stand outside my window, staring in, watching me do my chores until I finally give into the mismatched eyes watching my every move. You never cover your eye when watching me anymore, and I am more than intrigued why. I have entertained the thought that you might actually care about me, that I am not just some replacement or substitute for someone. You never did get over him, did you? _Obito._ I've come to notice that I cannot say his name in your presence. Though we do not exactly talk when we are together, it is much more physical than that. Before I knew just how emotionally impaired you were, I once thought that something could come out of us. But it seems that I am nothing but your dolphin to use as you wish.

Because once again I am in my bedroom cleaning and you are watching through the window. I try to avoid making eye contact, but it is quite hard for me to resist the temptation because the weight of the sharingan can be felt when you are watched by it. Sometimes I wonder if you even know how much it hurts to have you watching me. I still do not know the exact time I fell in love with you but now I know it was nothing short of a violent mistake. I have been beating myself up, yet I remain functioning only because of the mask I now know how to use. Not even Naruto has seen me smile properly for quite a while. But he suspects nothing if I keep buying him ramen. He is such a sweet boy, did you know? He's grown more mature, but he still longs for Sasuke, though not in the way you might think. It is much the same thing as me and you.

My bedroom is now spotless. I'm standing in the middle of it, nearly begging for some speck of dust to make it known so I would not have to entertain you. But none appear, and I raise my brown eyes to watch you and I smile softly. It is a true smile, because I can never stop smiling when you're around. Though there is always the down side, when I do not smile, I have to smother the tears.

We both know that I have no choice, and thus I walk over to the window and let you in. For a while, I just watch you before you grant me the one thing I'd only wish for. Soft lips against fabric covered ones, and it's sweeter than it has ever been. No, I have never seen your lips. I have only felt them, and even then it was with me blindfolded. I know they are soft, supple and wonderful to kiss. I would like to see them, yet I know that I am not the one to voice my needs. I am doing this just for you, and you take everything you can out of it. Your hands are wandering, pressing me into your body and showing me just how much you want me. I've never doubted you, never. I might just be one of those who would do anything for you. I know that the infamous Sharingan Kakashi is not undefeatable. Who do you think sat beside you when you were hospitalised because of your recklessness?

My fingers are deft at tangling in your silver hair, removing the hitai-ate just to give me better access. Have you ever realised, that your hair might be one of your best attributes? It flows so softly through my fingers. But the reason why it feels so good must be because it is the only thing I've ever truly felt of you. I can't say that I have ever felt your skin. This is all for you, and it is of little relevance if I get satisfaction. Yet I cannot deny this, I reach completion every time. I am slowly coming to the conclusion that you are afraid of being touched. Afraid of being affected by anything else but yourself.

Did you know I weep for you every night after you leave?

You've already removed all of our clothing, and I'm on my back, spread out just for you. You're touching me and you're not holding back. Your mission was a hard one, I realise that now as your caresses grow ardent and I cannot do anything else but whimper and arch my body into your touches. Have you ever realised just how pale you are compared to me? You're stretching me, and you are hurrying. You wish to forget, and that is the only thing I am worthy of. It hurts, it does, but I do not care, it is just for you. The hurt, the pain, everything that is me is for you. Could you finally realise this?

And when you finally enter me, it is nothing short of bittersweet and I nearly sob. Once again, you are perfect. _**We**_ are perfect. I cannot think anymore, for it is all just a comfortable mist of pleasure. And you've learned how to stroke me, how to pound me, how to rape and still make me feel like I am the only one in the world. Yet by now, I have learned that it's nothing but a façade you put up, just because of me. And I suppose, I should feel cherished. We reach completion together, and I sob. You hush me, and your lips are bare and my eyes are not blinded. I can see your face, and I realise you do not know this. I close my eyes, as I respect you. I respect you, and I love you and I would never cause you harm.

You're breathing's back to normal, my fingers in your head running through the soft strands. We are both sticky, and you realise this yet do nothing. You lie on top of me, and I'm glad. I'm hoping you would stay just this once but I know that hoping is futile. You'll never stay, because every time I ask for you to stay, you run away from me even faster. And when you now lift yourself off of me and sit down on the edge of the bed to put your clothes on, I cannot do anything but watch you putting on every garment again. When you're finally done, your sharingan is covered as is your mouth and you have that cold air around you. I cringe, and ask myself how can I love you.

You move to leave, and I cannot stop from voicing out.

"'Kashi, do you have to go?" I am too tired to care for the fact that I used a pet name. I am too tired to notice how your black eye narrows slightly and your lips purse underneath the dark fabric of the mask.

"Iruka, we have had this discussion earlier, nothing has changed," emotionless, cold voice. I cringe and curl up into a foetal position. I can't stand this, not anymore, and I let an anguished whimper. You're at my side, and you are asking if I'm alright. It breaks me even more to hear you ask that and for once, I tell the truth. I tell you no, and you freeze. I admitted something, even you realise this, and you do not know what to do about the newly gathered information.

"You are still nothing more than a fuck, and you better not forget it." Your voice is cold, emotionless and loathing. And with that, you are gone.

How could I forget, when you keep reminding me?


	2. And every night, I die

Tsceh, how bothersome. Well, more angstiness in this once again, I do not own anything and bleh.  
I might make a Kakashi-point-of-view soon, but I might make it in Finnish, sorry guys.

- shotted

btw, I think I really do need a beta. I'm not trusting word anymore.

* * *

You haven't arrived for a couple of weeks, and I know you are not on a mission.

Maybe it was the plea or then it was the way I did not reply to your reminder to not forget. It was easy to reply to it before, but now it is become a task that is nowhere near possible. Because every day, all I want is to be yours, fully, completely. If you just realised this, then maybe you would stop hurting me. Maybe you would find out that I do not care for your faults, that I will bear being second to someone who is long gone.

I will not care if I am second to Obito or Minato, I'll cherish them just like you cherish them. Believe me I will do anything to get you to be mine.

I think my plants are withering. I have forgotten to give them any water for a while now. The feel of those green leaves is quite nice against my fingertips and I can't help but compare it to the feel of your skin. A sad smile finds its place on my lips before even that is wiped off by the truth of knowing that you would never see me as anything but a fuck. Finally, it is beginning to settle. Naruto left yesterday to train with Jiraiya, and I can feel the emptiness settle into my being. I have made the lesson plans for the next month and I do not know what to do. My apartment is clean, everything is completely clean and there is not even a speck of dust to be seen anywhere.

I wonder how Mr. Ukki is doing, have you remembered to water him?

I finally water my plants, and actually talk to them. I tell them about the weather and how bright and wonderful it is. I tell them about Genma and how he is still quite broken because of Hayate. But most of all, I tell them about you, Kakashi. I tell them how wonderful you are, and how beautifully your eyes crinkle when you smiles. I tell them how beautiful you look every night when illuminated by moonlight. I tell them of the way you make me feel. And all the while I can hear my own words repeated back to me, and I am wondering if I am going crazy. But if you can talk to Mr. Ukki then I must be allowed to have some time with my own plants. Though I have not named them yet. Would you like the name Kuri for one of them?

My hands are shaking now, and I stare at them with some surprise. They are not supposed to shake. And they are most likely not supposed to be dripping blood. Too late I notice a chakra signature that is not one I should recognise anymore. My eyes close as anguish settles into me as my eyes turn to look at who is causing me to bleed. My eyes widen as I see Mizuki before I just shake my head in denial. No, this is not real, he died, didn't he? I saved Naruto from him, but why is he here again? He shouldn't be here, no. He died!

I hit my head and everything clears. There's no one in my apartment and my arms are not bleeding. There is not even a wound to indicate that I'd have been harmed. I cradle my head and sob. This apartment holds too many memories. And they were all coming back to me. Everything is coming back and crashing on me but I really do not notice it all even if I feel myself blacking out. Why? Because the last thing I remember is the way you asked me if I was alright. And then everything goes black, and I am released into a blissful oblivion.

_Arms lifted me up, cradled me, and spun a cocoon of warmth around me. Or no, it was a blanket. Soft words were spoken, but I did not understand them. I opened my eyes, but only barely and only saw two mismatched eyes. Is it you, really? I try to speak, but my lips do not move. But then you let me drop onto the floor, and I realise that I had spoken. I had told you that I love you. The physical pain is nothing compared to the __psychological pain that followed when I noticed the absoluter rejection in your eyes. I close my eyes, and I whimper._

"_Iruka, must you ruin everything?" Your voice. I will never forget those tones._

"_Iruka, must you truly forget your place?" It hurts, Kakashi, if only you knew how it hurts._

"_Iruka, you forgot, did you not?" Please, Kakashi, stop. Can't you see; I'm breaking on the inside? Can't you see how I cower from every word you say? Are you truly blind to the way I flinch with every hateful word you say?_

_And I can not, and all I can do is stare into your emotionless eyes. And soon, there is a mask covering your face and I frown. Why are you wearing an ANBU mask? You are not one of them anymore, are you? Did you rejoin them? Confusion clouds me as I feel the sharp edge of a kunai against my oesophagus. I look up at the mask, and fear is instilled deep into my heart. I whimper, once again, but this time it is the whimper of utter fear. To be looking up at that mask and knowing it is you, Kakashi, my love, is true pain. But I do nothing to stop the kunai from pressing against my skin and I realise that I am bleeding. I do not feel the pain and I frown again, aren't I supposed to be in pain?_

_And without knowing, I start to cry._

I wake up with a startle cry, and I can feel the wet tracks of tears going down my cheeks. I am disoriented, and I realise I am on my living room floor. It was just a dream. I'm breathing too fast, and I can not believe it was just a dream. I am startled to hear a sharp rapping against my bedroom window, and I know that it is you. I wipe my eyes to fend off the fresh tears but I know I can't hide the tears from you. It takes a ridiculous amount of effort to get on my feet and cast that wide smile onto my lips. But now I know that the fake glimmer I had always managed to get into my eyes is finally gone.

I walk to the window and walk up to the window, and for a while, I just stand there watching you and admiring just how perfect you look. Did you know that your hair is almost white when the moon hits it? You furrow your brow at the delay and I just smile wider and open the window before stepping back and letting you in. I am confused when you do not touch me immediately. My eyes meet yours, and I can see that you have not uncovered your sharingan. You are just watching me, and I can not help but fidget. Why do you watch me so keenly?

I raise my hand to touch you but you shy away from my touch and it hurts. I lower my gaze before I ask you what is it that you want, if not my body. You flinch as if slapped yet I do not care. You actually look guilty for a while, before the mask is once again in place. You tell me that this cannot continue. I know that the smile slips away from my lips. Kakashi, why are you doing this, is my body not enough? Have you found someone new?

And for once, I cannot keep myself from showing you just how empty I've become. And this time, you visibly flinch. You wrap your arms around me and I do nothing. The picture of you holding the kunai to my throat is still going around in my head. Truly, is this situation any different? You are offering me comfort right after saying I am not worthy. You are apologising. Why are you doing such a thing? You do not have to, you are not the one who fell in love. It is something I have given up a long time ago. You could never love a mere academy teacher like me. I am below you and I was quite content with being your toy but now you are taking even that away from me. And somehow, I feel betrayed by you.

You let go of me hesitantly, and I just look at you with dead eyes. Can you see now Kakashi? You have an effect over me that is undescribable. And I am very afraid of just what it will do to me.

Because after you leave, I do not hesitate in taking a kunai and thrusting it into my stomach and then two into my wrists. And even as I bleed, it does not hurt. But I realise that I do not want to die, and with my last strength I throw and explosive kunai out of the window and it explodes. It does not take too long for me to feel warm arms lift me up and hold me, and I can hear the anguished moan.

Kakashi, will this make you happy?

_Over and over you make me fall for you,_

_over and over again you don't even try._


	3. And every time you hold my hand

Oh hey, it's so not the end yet!  
I do have to warn you already though, I do so very much suck at writing fluff.  
And see, Iruka didn't die!

I'm thinking.. two chapters, then I'll start doing Kashi's point of view. Mwahhaa.  
- shotted

-----

There is a definite difference between feeling warm, and then suddenly feeling cold. Before I lost consciousness, I felt quite cold. That is before those arms had lifted me up. But after that, cold had settled back in and I do not remember a single thing. Yet now, as I lay in a smelly room waking up, I try to decide whether or not I am warm or cold. I do not want to open my eyes, but I know there's a heavy weight on my stomach and it is bothering me. I try to shift, so that the weight would go away. I exceed in my plan but pain so intense I whimper laces through me and then there is someone holding me down and shushing me.

But I do not calm down, because panic laces through me. I start to thrash and fight against the hold, yet it does not budge and once again, I am in pain. And when I still do not calm down, lips crash onto my own and my eyes are now wide open.

And I shatter into millions of little pieces, because it is you.

As brief as my struggle was, it ceases without anymore prompting as I lay still under your lips even as you pull back. The shock is setting in. You are not supposed to be here. And your mask is down and I am watching. I admire the way your lips are pale, just like you, and I find no faults in your face. Why did you have to hide it? I know my eyes are rather wide at the moment, but wouldn't yours be too if you were in my position? Why are you here, Kakashi? You're looking into my eyes and I notice you haven't slept for a while. It hurts, Kakashi. It hurts more than the kunai wounds which were bleeding again. It hurts more than the knowledge of you never truly wanting me.

And for once, I cannot keep my tears from you. Your fingers come to brush the tears away, but it only causes them to flow even more. And I can not close my eyes, but I keep staring at you, willing your image away, wanting you to go away so I do not have to hurt for you anymore. But still, you stay and you pet my hair and I feel save and soothed. Medininjas come into the room and you are forced away, but my eyes never leave your face. I am waiting for you to disappear, vanish.

My bandages are changed, but I do not care. I keep staring at you, trying to decide whether or not you are real. As the staff leaves, you are once again by my side. You take my hand gently into yours and place a gentle kiss on the back of it and I look at you with complete bewilderment on my face. You place my hand on the bed again, but your eyes never leave mine. And I wish, you would hold me so that I could cry. And then you could vanish and leave me again. After all, that is what you wanted, is it not?

"Iruka, I am sorry."

_**NO! **_You are not allowed to apologise! Shut up! Kakashi, you are not allowed to apologise! Because if you apologise, then I did something that caused you to feel bad. Please, Kakashi, don't apologise. And I'm sobbing again, and I wrench my eyes off of you. I cannot stand to look at your face, it is too familiar.

You gently pull me into your arms and I cry even harder, this isn't supposed to happen. You were to leave me. You were leaving me! Why did you come back, why?! And then I realise, I've said all of this out loud. And I feel mortified. You were not supposed to hear this, no one was. You tell me you've done wrong. You tell me that I've been the one wronged and that there is nothing you can do to fix it. But can't you see there is! You can leave!

And I spoke out loud again.

You freeze, and I sob. Now I hurt you, my dear Kakashi, I hurt you. My fingers entangle in the fabric of your vest as I hold you to me, keeping you from leaving. I can't lose you again. I already did, and it nearly killed me. You stay, but the warmth you once had has left you. I shiver uncontrollably, as I find myself the one wronging you. I hate myself, Kakashi. I really do. Have you noticed it? You are offering yourself to me, for me to lean on, and I push you away.

Sometimes I wonder, have you ever even wondered how much I hate myself. Even when I had you, I only wanted more. Even when you gave me everything I wanted, except for love, I wanted more. I wanted the things I knew you couldn't give. And now you're offering me a chance and I'm pushing you away but clinging tightly to you. I can't let you go Kakashi. I'll never let you go.

"Kakashi, why are you doing this?"

"Dolphin, I care for you." _**LIES!**_ You lie, Kakashi, you filthy thieve, you lie!

"But I honestly do, Iruka."

And I push you away and look at you.

"Kakashi, do you realise how much you hurt me?" And you say nothing at all.

Suddenly, the world seems so much darker and I let out a long sigh. Somehow, I knew that happiness wouldn't be something a mere dolphin could have. I turn my head, I can not look at you lest I forgive you without a second thought. You have wronged me Kakashi, but I can't seem to get it through my head.

"I want you, Iruka."

I whimper as I crunch my eyes shut. You're lying, Kakashi, I know you are. You always lie. I fist the sheets in my hands and I look at you with defeat clear in my eyes.

"You have had me all this time, scarecrow."

Why must you realise everything so late, my lovely scarecrow?


	4. And you'll catch me

welcome, to the most likely second last chapter of, Please, dont go. Well, damn. It's been a while since I uploaded, but let's just say that my angst was poured elsewhere. But here I present you another bout of angst filled with some fluff, I know not anymore what I write and I take no responsibilities in finding out, alright? Now. It's unbetaed, so all typos are all mine!

oh. I don't own naruto.  
yes I've been forgetting the disclaimers. x.x  
and I've noticed that my chapters are dreadfully short. D:  
_-shotted_

_PS. I love you reviewers 33 _

* * *

It's been a week since the incident and they've given me leave from the hospital. The only little setback is that I must be accompanied and under surveillance at all times. And you, my dear, decided to appoint yourself to the task. Do you know how much it hurts to suppress that flicker of hope? It hurts beyond all reason to have you watching my every step, learning every habit of mine, lifting me up when I stumble and balancing me when I sway. And you've never let me fall even if I feel like I'm falling.

Lately that's actually all I've been doing. Even as you hold me up, as I feel your hands steadying me, as you make sure I'm warm as I lay me down to sleep and I realize I keep on falling. Falling harder and deeper for you. I'm so desperately in love that not even Sakura can compare. But I hope I am not like her. That would mean all of my hope was lost to me.

I no more see your flaws, I do not complain when my chopsticks are in the wrong drawer. I no more scold you for bringing your ninken inside. I think my allergies have been forced away; I don't even sneeze nor have a runny nose anymore.

Oh, I almost forgot. I fail to notice your constant lack of mask.

Yet every time you frown, I panic. What did I do to make you frown, since it can only be me? You do not interact with anyone else anymore. Every time my students come to see me, you frown. Is it so wrong for the little dears to come see me? Is it so wrong that they care about me? Do you want everyone to forget me, Kakashi?

Besides, why don't you leave me alone in the kitchen anymore? It is not as if I will burn myself. Even I cannot tolerate such pain. I've burnt myself badly before and I can tell you that the pain caused by a kunai is nothing compared to the pain caused by fire. In fact, if you are forced to compare them, then the comparison of grass versus kunai would be quite good. The fire being the kunai, that is.

But I still do not complain. I only sigh and let you subdue me without a fight. (1) You don't let me brew tea and every time I go against you, you just smile, kiss me and break me just a bit more. I feel like a burden. You're not taking missions anymore. You're worrying but I cannot see the reason why. I have realized that I do not wish to die and so I will not try killing myself again. Besides, it was stupid then and it would be stupid now.

Kakashi, what would you do if you knew how much I hated myself? What would you do if you fount out that I am weak? Would you just coddle me just the way you are doing now? Can't you see I don't need your pity, love? I only want love, just your love.

But still you always turn or flinch when you accidentally touch me. Do I disgust you that much? Sometimes I wish it weren't true, but Kakashi, you told me never to forget, and I _haven't_! I swear! I still remember but it's hard to believe when you hold me close and tell me all about yourself. You've told me so much already.

You've spoken of **them**. You didn't cry, you didn't have any emotion on you, and I fear for you my dear. You eat yourself up too much over all of it. You told me about Obito, you told me about Yondaime. Only, you used his name. You never spoke of Yondaime, you only spoke of Minato. You spoke of Minato with such longing that I had to look away. I can't stand this, Kakashi?

Can't you love someone who is alive? Because every morning, you talk to them. You think I am sleeping, but I hardly sleep anymore. You never hold me anymore, and slowly I feel whatever hope I had drown from me.

And all I ever do is eat and listen. You do everything for me. You even wash me and I do not have the decency to even blush anymore. All I do is stare and watch you before I feel like crying. It's pitifully true, but you always smile when you are washing me. Tell me it's not some joke or rumor you've heard about me. I know about the rumors.

And now you are scrubbing my skin and once again I marvel at just how pale you are compared to me. Have you ever truly let sunlight touch your skin? Did you know it almost feels like a lover's embrace? I doubt you are truly healthy, being as ghastly pale as you are. Are you sure you are alright, Kakashi? Are you sure I am not wearing you out? Speaking of skin, where have you left that book of yours? I rather dislike it, it is porn. But… the things you do to me are worse than what Jiraiya has ever written. He wouldn't be capable of writing this after all, all he does is run away.

Do you have to use so much soap? It is rather expensive. But your hands feel good. When did you leave the sponge out of this? Warm, calloused hands running along my skin without a worry in the world. As if you owned me, which you do. But it is worrying to know all of the things you can coax me into to doing with just your hands, and you frighten me, my love.

You waste no time, you're arousing me. The soft touches leave me whimpering and all you do is grin, like it were a joke. Your mouth is on mine and I feel the tears start to trek their way down my cheeks.

And I shove you away from me with a push that surprises you. "Kakashi, you will not lay a finger on me if you think I am just a fuck toy," my voice is foreign. It's weak but steady. And you're hands stop for a moment as you hesitate, and I break just a bit more. Why can't you just take the easy way out?

I continue: "You will not touch me unless you love me," It's an ultimatum, it's desperate, but I need to know, Kakashi, even if I do not believe you anymore.

And your lips are on mine.

_Kakashi, do you still lie?_

----  
(1) friend's add to this, I just wanted to share; I cry alone in a dark corner with no one but my pet squirrel. And a snake that is Kakashi.


	5. every time I fall

A/N: I OWN NOTHING.  
My luverlies, I present to you the finalé of this little darling fic of mine. First of all, I'm not too sure about this chapter. And I'm not too sure of the Kakashi pov one. We shall see what my muses come up with.

But right now, I shall thank all of my reviewers, you have been wonderful. Now, I'm always searching for ideas and plots for stories, so come forth, we might just be able to co-write something! I love doing team work, it sort of gives me satisfcation. So just contact me.  
Oh oh, does anyone know any good Neji/Shika or Naru/Sasu fics?  
Or even better. Any good, angsty Kakairu ones? If you do, then shameless plugging is very much encouraged.

I suppose that's it for now.  
Until the next piece of fiction,  
_-shotted_

* * *

You've held me all night. You have not left, not even once. Every time I've tried to move away from you you've only held me tighter. You've never stopped holding me, clinging to me or nuzzling against me. I've felt warm for the very first time in months just because of you always holding me as if I were a doll made of the finest china. And every time I break, you're there to pick-up the pieces and tie them back together. It's a wonderful feeling and I've gotten used to it. 

My apartment is never empty.

I'm back on the job, teaching the little students how to survive, how to cope with life even as I have trouble getting through the day without breaking. You make the best bento and you make sure I eat it. Oh yes, I've caught you watching my class, even when you have disguised your chakra. I find it so sweet and awkward and my students have notice my unease when you are near. I stammer and blush, especially when I see a flash of orange.

Sometimes I wish it was Naruto but instead it's that Icha Icha. You're taken to reading those perverted books again and many a times you've tried to make me read at least one. I wonder if I did, would I see you as something different? Would I understand you better? Would the doubt leave your eyes if I did? And would that damn pug stop eating all of my stakes?

As a result, I've started buying fish. The pug detests it and you aren't too fond of it either. I think I've started pushing you away again because confusion clouds your expression frequently. I'm acting as if all is well but to see you everyday is like salt to the wounds. You're causing me to die inside again, why must you act like you love me? You keep touching me, telling me that you love me, that you'll never leave me. But I know you will, Kakashi. I know you will leave me when my body starts getting frail. I know you will leave me when I finally crack and all that is left is nothing but an empty shell.

You admitted to loving me, but I know you'll only leave me again.

And now you're yelling, a beautiful sunny morning turned gloomy in my eyes. Well, no, you are not yelling. You're speaking in a voice so cold and silent that you might as well be screaming at me. I can't bear this; all you say has a point. A solid point. A point that I can't even start to discuss about with you. You're stating facts. Me pushing you away, me closing in again. You're not far off from facts, Kakashi. Did you know that I wish you slept my be every night? Did you know all I really want you to do is hold me and stop talking? Do you think you could succeed, Kakashi dearest?

There's little left for me in this argument, I've forgotten the topic, I've forgotten everything. There is no smile on my lips as I watch you speaking, and I know I look like some daft idiot. Because I do not understand what you are speaking of. I cannot comprehend the words. You are talking something about my loved one's, about their feelings, about everything they'd be willing to risk for me. To talk about things I'd rather forget, and you talk about Mizuki. You talk about everything and all, of nothing at all. But still every word makes me feel guilty, makes me shrink even deeper, makes me fall. I can't keep looking at you, your mask is up. I thought you trusted my, Kakashi. What has changed?

"Iruka, what do you need me to do to make you understand!" You've got an intriguing sort of desperation in your voice, and I know you're about to break. I wonder, scarecrow, do you break like me? I know you've been broken before, and only hastily repaired. But somehow, I want to repair you. I want to be there for you, but will you let me, after all?

Or would you push me away again?  
No, I don't think I care that much any more.

"Kakashi, shh," I say and you halt in your ramblings. I walk over to you and hug you, burying my nose into your neck and letting out a soft sniffle. I've got you all to myself, haven't I, my lovely scarecrow? To feel your arms around me, is like heaven to me. To feel this serenity is something bizarre and exciting. Something new. I feel safe, at peace and warm in your embrace. There is no tide threatening to bring me down and pull me with it into the abyss, and there is nothing to stop me from embracing you. And at some point we are kissing and I wonder when did you take off your mask. You've always been rather quick with that peace of fabric. Or at least, you are rather quick with it in my presence.

"So you love me?" I ask and look up at you, smiling softly.  
"Yes, I love you, Iruka," you reply and I can't help but smile as the relief floods over me.  
"Will you ever leave me?"  
"If I said I would never leave you, I'd be lying."

_How can you rip me apart with just one sentence,_

"but know this, I'll never leave you willingly."

_and piece me back up the next?_

Because Kakashi, I'll need you there, and even if I know someday you are going to leave me, I'm still not isolating myself from you. I'm still not pushing you back, but pulling you in giving all my trust into your hands. Someday you will die, or maybe I will die first, but the future is too uncertain. We shouldn't worry about such trivial things.

Because we are together now, and I trust in tomorrow.  
I trust my tomorrow into your hands.

_If ever your will starts crashing down  
Whenever your will starts crashing down  
Whenever your will starts crashing down  
That's when you find me._


End file.
